Most of us will end up in a situation that will linger with us and have interactions with people that remain stuck in our heads for quite some time afterwards.
This is not in a traumatic sense, which is the lingering psychological effects of distressing, frightening or stressful events that often need individual therapy to unpack, but more when we focus on a minor altercation, words said or a situation we wish had gone down differently.
So many of us have replayed moments in our life that the term “l’esprit d’escalier” (the wit of the staircase) describes the feeling we have of being speechless after a remark but only coming up with the perfect reply or comeback when it is far too late.
The moment can replay in our heads, which is a toxic form of cyclical thinking that often keeps us ruminating, stops us from progressing and can contribute to physical and psychological harm.
As well as this, it can feel awful like we are anchored to those moments we wish more than anything could have gone differently.
Thankfully, there are ways that mindfulness and other methods of processing thoughts can help you move forward without being trapped in a spiral of negative thoughts. Here are a few techniques you can use to get someone out of your head.
Discern Between Real Feelings And Facts
The way you feel is valid and our emotions have both a psychological and physical effect on us. They are, in that sense, real. But it is important to differentiate them from the reality of a situation, particularly when we are feeling emotionally distressed.
Accepting how you feel but ensuring they are placed in the context of the facts will help us to resist the urge to dwell on a situation and invent a scenario that fits our emotions.
Judge Your Second Reaction
According to the dual process theory, people think in two distinct ways. They have an immediate gut reaction and then a slower, more considered form of thought. Whilst this concept is most commonly applied to decision-making, it can also be used to explain our outbursts and immediate reactions.
When we are taken by surprise we can act in a way that is not like ourselves and in many cases, this is the reason why we stew on the event. However, the reaction that is more important is not that initial moment but what we do afterwards. The first is a reaction, the second is a conscious decision.
Take A Mental Time Out
Spiralling thoughts are a pattern of behaviour, and like any other pattern of behaviour can be broken out of.
Take 15 deep in and out breaths and do not think about a person or situation that has been bothering you. Doing so will take about 90 seconds and will help you shift out of a particular emotional state.
Whilst you are angry it can be very difficult to focus on anything else, and this can make it difficult to react in a healthy way either in the immediate wake of an incident or whilst ruminating over it in the long term.